The curtains caught fire at a party, and so were more or less ignored. There were shouts and laughter, and Chekov threw a bucket of ice on them, and a pair of drunk ensigns did a stamping dance on the smoking remains.
In the morning, Kirk lay on the sofa, nursing a hangover.
"Admiral's Log," he said to the wall. "Note to self. Never have parties."
He wondered why there seemed to be more sun in his eyes than usual.
A week later McCoy sat down on the sofa cradling a glass of bourbon in both hands and frowned at the window.
"What happened to your curtains?"
"My what?" Kirk said.
"Curtains. Cur-tains," McCoy enunciated very slowly. "They go on the win-dow."
"I must have thrown them away. Whatever was left of them. They wouldn't have burned up completely, would they?"
McCoy nodded thoughtfully.
"Make the next one a double, will you?" he said.
"Small fire," Kirk said reassuringly. "Nothing to worry about. I should put a sheet or something over the window, though."
"Or you could buy some more curtains."
"You know," Kirk said more than a few drinks later, "I don't think I've ever bought curtains."
"Where did those come from, the Curtain Fairy?"
"They came with the apartment."
"You could ask your landlord to replace them, then," McCoy said.
"They don't replace things that catch fire."
"I'm not going to ask how you know that."
"Computer," Kirk said a little too loudly. "I want to order a pair of curtains."
"Please specify size of window," the computer's voice lilted.
"Damn. I had a tape measure, but I left it up at the cabin."
"Didn't you have to buy curtains for the cabin?" McCoy asked.
"I think they came with the cabin. Can I use your tricorder for a minute?"
"It's at the office. I didn't think you'd need me to take your window's temperature. Although I'm starting to think I should take your temperature."
"To measure it," Kirk said, making measuring motions with his hands. "Never mind. Computer, the window is approximately one meter by one point five meters."
"Specify type of curtains."
"Just plain curtains. Regular curtains. Curtains like the ones I used to have."
"No record exists of prior curtain purchases by Kirk, Admiral James T."
"See?" Kirk said to McCoy. "What color were the curtains before?"
"I don't know."
"I think they were white. Or cream. There's a difference. Which would be better?"
"Jim, I'm a doctor, not an interior decorator."
"Cream curtains," Kirk said, looking proud of himself.
"Unable to comply. Please specify further."
"How many kinds of cream curtains are there?"
"An initial search has located eight hundred and forty-seven types of curtains available, varying by manufacturer, style, material, pattern, and exact color shade."
"Cream," Kirk said flatly.
"Please specify light cream, creamy white, dark cream, eggshell, ecru . . ."
McCoy watched Kirk's scowl deepen.
"I have a sheet you can borrow," he said.