Sweet
Lily curls around herself in bed; it doesn't feel yet like curling around someone else, although she knows it is. She presses her hand to the flat of her stomach and wonders if there's a new curve under her hand or if she's imagining it.
She hasn't told James yet. She has to soon, because he'll be hurt if he guesses before she tells him, and she's sure soon it will show. She wants to keep the secret just for a little while longer, though. One sweet secret when so many secrets are bitter ones.
She's also a little daunted by the idea of people fussing over her the way they're hovering around Alice, bringing her things and telling her to lie down. Not that she minds lying down, but she's not sure she wants to be told to. Alice will want her to sit in a corner with her and read books about Your Child's Developing Toes and experiment with recipes for the perfect herbal pregnancy tea.
Lily doesn't really want all that. She has faith that the tiny creature's toes are developing as they should, without any assistance from her, and this does not strike her as a good time for potions experiments. She would rather leave Alice to her herb garden for a while; she has quite enough of growing things right now.
She wants to tell Petunia, but she's not sure anymore what Petunia will say. The thought makes her eyes sting with tears, and she tells herself that is just hormones, pregnancy, stupid sentimentality, Evans, pull yourself together. Anyway, she does know what Petunia will say -- How can you think of having a child when you're living that kind of life -- and she tells herself that what Petunia will mean is I wish you were safe.
She will tell James first, though, because that will be easier. He will swing her around in his arms and say I love you, are you sure, of course you're sure, should we start thinking of names? What do you think of Theodorus? I had a great-uncle named Theodorus. He will probably ask if she should be lying down.
A sweet secret, she tells herself, and tries to think about how James will smile. Pull yourself together, Evans, she tells herself; this is no time to be afraid.